This site and its contents are (cc)2008 Erik David Even. Please read the FAQ for more information.
Helpful Tip: Just say "yes" to Doomsday Devices
Dear VillainSource Customers:
We've received complaints from some quarters regarding our policy of selling Doomsday Devices, and not just from the usual whiny "responsible agencies."
Some villains are upset, claiming that the use of Doomsday Devices is unfair competition, and should be banned.
Well, this is the official response of this web site to these complaints:
GROW UP. WE'RE VILLAINS. MADMEN. MONSTERS. GET OVER IT.
If we can't threaten the safety of the world, galaxy, or universe, how are we supposed to dominate it? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
-- Sergeant Celsius, Chief of Sales, VillainSource
Black hole
FSS Inc. is now mass-producing (no pun intended) "black hole" singularities for the open black market (no pun intended), using the former Soviet Superconducting Supercollider at an undisclosed Siberian location.
Just release your black hole from its magnetic bottle, and watch it eat the Earth in under six hours (from a safe distance, of course).
Can also be used to create time machines, wormholes, and other fun Sunday science projects.
Don't miss out on this singular opportunity (pun intended).
Price: US$9.99 ea.*
Quantity:
*Shipping cost will be based on weight. That's how we make our money.
Planet kabangers
What you get: 200 million miles of carbon nanotube fiber, the strongest known "rope" in the Universe.
What you do: connect one end of the fiber to the Earth, and the other end to another planet, such as Mars.
What you do next: wait for the fiber to "catch" against the sun, slamming the two planets into each other.
Last step: laugh maniacally.
Price: US$10.00 per mile*
Quantity:
*price does not include installation
Prop "doomsday device"
Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the prop "Doomsday Device," guaranteed to soil the knickers of your "heroic" adversaries.
Actually a plastic box filled with cheap electronics, the device makes ominous "whoop whoop" sounds when activated, and a sinister female voice counts down from 100.
Just press the "deactivate" button when the craven idiots give in to your demands. I mean, who's going to call your bluff on something called a "Doomsday Device?"
Price: US$99.99
Quantity:
*requires 2 AA batteries, not included
Meta-ebola haemorrhagic virus Type D
Developed by the U.S. Army to "provide research necessary for defense against germ warfare" (ha ha ha), the Meta-Ebola Haemorrhagic Virus Type D is ten times deadlier and 20 times as communicable as the old Type C the Army tested at Jonestown.
Once this baby gets into the environment, there will be no stopping it -- ask the recently deceased researchers at Fort Grange Hospital, which had to be firebombed after a nurse thought she might have left a lid open.
Causes epidermal hemorrhaging, bloody stool, hardening of the ocular jelly, blackening of the extremities, paralyzation, and death, all in 12 minutes.
Communicable by touch, by air, in water, or just by a victim looking at you funny. Dab some of this on some envelopes, mail them to various countries, and we guarantee global human annihilation within 72 hours, or your money back!
Price: US$50,000,000 per ml
ON BACKORDER
Self-replicating nano-virus
Nanotechnology -- the high-tech wave of the future. And like every technological breakthrough before it, the possibilities for global mayhem through "misuse" are as powerful as the so-called "beneficial" applications.
Realizing that global extortion can produce greater profit maximization than curing cancer or creating cheap energy, the forward-thinking folks at the Global Nanotechnology Institute S.A. are making available to the supervillainy market a small supply of self-replicating nanoviruses.
Each nanovirus converts any matter it comes into contact with into more nanoviruses. Introduce just one nanovirus into the environment, and within 33 days the Earth's entire surface will be reduced to an ooze with the color and consistency of photocopier toner. Nothing can stop it -- even a nuclear blast will just fuel the little buggers.
Kit comes with 1x10^15 nanoviruses in a cooled magnetic bottle. Do not open it if you're not serious about global annihilation.
Price: US$100,000,000
Quantity:
*nanoviruses can be destroyed by ambient gamma radiation -- store in a cool, dry place.
Voracious alien life form biosphere destruction system
Chronowerx Industries presents the ultimate in Xenobiological Biosphere Destruction Agents.
The Tribble™ is an alien life form that does only two things; eats and reproduces.
Place one Tribble in a corn field in Iowa, and computer simulations indicate that the entire biomass of the Earth's surface will be converted into Tribbles within 42 days, based on exponential growth.
And they're so darn cute, the foolhardy human populace will not realize their peril until it's too late!
Price: US$100,000,000 ea.
Quantity:
*Do not expose to Klingons, or to Klingons posing as humans.
Antimatter
Did you know that just 12 liters of antimatter, when introduced to 12 liters of matter*, will create an energy reaction that will destroy the entire planet?
But where can one acquire 12 liters of antimatter? Why, from www.villainsource.com, of course!
Our Antiproton Decelerator is churning out antimatter day and night, and storing it in easy-to-transport** magnetic containers. Be the first on your block to own antimatter!
Price: US$450,000,000.00/liter.
ON BACKORDER
*Matter not included. **Each liter of antimatter is stored in a 50-metric-ton concrete-lined magnetic storage container, suitable for transport by cargo ship or flatbed train car. ***Some individuals have characterized our prices for antimatter as "ridiculously low." Apparently, using your PATHETIC EARTH SCIENCE, it would cost a lot more to manufacture antimatter. But we are are far more advanced, and we are passing the savings on to you.
The Doomsday Star
From Scaramanga & No, LLC, the world's #1 choice in villainous architecture and weapons systems, the Doomsday Star Satellite fires a single fusion-powered energy blast that instantly liquefies the Earth's crust, destroying all life. Be the envy of other supervillains.
Orbital insertion not included.*
Price: US$1,200,000,000 (additional 10% discount for recidivist VilAnon members)
SOLD
*requires the Halex Diamond for beam cohesion; currently stored at the Pentagon's High Security Facility in Virginia.
The Podkletnov De-Gravitator
When Yevgeny Podkletnov discovered gravity shielding in 1992, most people imagined flying cars and floating cities. Bah! Foolish mortals!
Union Carbide of India LLC presents the Podkletnov De-Gravitator, just the latest in a fine line of luxury Doomsday Devices.
The De-Gravitator strips matter of its HIggs field, rendering all matter massless. Not weightless -- massless, which means it will come apart like a spilled parfait.
Our mad science division predicts that when fully activated, the De-Gravitator will transform the entire planet Earth into an expanding warm goo in less than 45 seconds.* That's five times faster than the next Doomsday Device in its price range!
Once the timer is activated, you will have 60 seconds to escape the device's practical range of 7000 km.
Price: 2,500,000,000.00 plus tax
Quantity: *we will gladly share our results with the United Nations, The League of Propriety, The Tremendous Three, or any other "responsible agency" you wish to blackmail.
Planetbuster® subterranean missile
Did you know that a single full-yield nuclear warhead, deployed at the Earth's core, will cause a chain reaction that will vaporize the entire planet? Well, now you do.
But how can you get the warhead to the Earth's core?
With the Planetbuster® Subterranean Missile System from Global Domination Technologies, LLC. The Planetbuster eats through rock at 60 meters/second; it's impervious to the temperatures in the Earth's mantle; and it's guaranteed to work or your money back!*
Price: US$3,400,000,000
ON BACKORDER
*interference by government agents or "hero" groups voids guarantee
Xlaixu Global Disintegrator Key
Sixty-five million years ago, the earth was invaded by an alien race called the Xlaixu. They intended to enslave an intelligent saurian race called the X!x!, who were just developing space travel.
The Xlaixu built a massive Doomsday Device beneath what is now Nepal, called the Xlaixu Global Disintegrator, planning to set it off if looked like the X!x! would win the war. The two races annihilated each other before the Global Disintegrator could be deployed, and it sits beneath the Himalayas today.
The Cabal of Impropriety has acquired the Key required to activate the device, and as part of our Going Out of Business Sale (thanks to the Justice Jammers), we're selling the Key at a bargain price.*
Price: US$100,000,000,000
SOLD
*also works as a TARDIS Key.
Apocalypse Solar Destroyer Beautiful Breaking God Muyi Muyi
From the brilliant but strange folks at Lovely Nippon Villain Kyen Kyen, the penultimate Doomsday Device.
The Apocalypse Solar Destroyer Beautiful Breaking God Muyi Muyi launches from any standard super-dimensional fortress, and will destroy any class "M" star.
Need we point out that The Sun is a class "M" star?
It's not "Doomsday" if there's anywhere to hide -- destroy the whole solar system just to be sure.
Price: ¥270,671,422,812
ON BACKORDER *must be piloted by scantily-clad female elfin bioroid. **some nitpickers have pointed out there is no such thing as a "class-M star." Well, maybe not in your MISERABLE EARTH SCIENCE. But believe us, in mad science, there are class-M stars.
Anti-matter "Anti-Earth"
On the far side of the sun, directly opposite the orbit of the Earth, lies the Anti-Earth; an exact duplicate of the Earth in every way, except composed entirely of anti-matter.
You'll find an Anti-United States of America, an Anti-George W. Bush, even an Anti-YOU.
If these two worlds were ever brought into direct contact, the resulting matter-anti-matter explosion, combined with the Twin-Separation Paradox and a couple of other physics-geek disaster theories, would destroy the entire Milky Way Galaxy!
When the Galactator was recently defeated once again, in her quest to eat the Earth, by Dr. Will Williams ("Mr. Tremendous") of the Tremendous Three, she left behind plans to collide the two worlds; and we got them. Sale to highest bidder.
Price: Bidding starts at US$100,000,000,000,000. Plans will be downloaded as a PDF file.
*some people have suggested that we just mine the Anti-Earth for anti-matter, and resume selling anti-matter. Our accountant liked this idea better.
The Ultimate Formula "X"
In 1893, an insane British mathematician named Dr. Leslie Steambender attempted to use algebra, Kabbalah, ancient Mesopotamian texts, and Chartered Accountancy Actuarial Tables to develop a single mathematical formula that would describe all of reality -- The Ultimate Formula "X."
To read this formula aloud would DESTROY ALL CREATION, ending the universe and (if you believe in such things) KILLING GOD HIMSELF.
Just as Steambender had finished putting the formula to paper, a team of Freemason assassins killed him and stole the document, placing it unread in a vault beneath the Tower of London.
This piece of paper has been acquired by a private collector, and is now for sale to the highest bidder. The seller only requests that he have time to retreat to an alternate dimension before it is used.
Privacy Policy: VillainSource reserves the right to obtain the e-mail address, name, location, blood type, political affiliation, dirty sexual secrets, and any other information of any kind about every visitor to this site, with or without their so-called "permission." We own you. However, VillainSource and its parent cabal, World Domination LLC, will never share this information with any other person, cabal, corporation, or entity. It's ours. Our own. Our precious.
Dear VillainSource Customers:
FSS Inc. is now mass-producing (no pun intended) "black hole" singularities for the open black market (no pun intended), using the former Soviet Superconducting Supercollider at an undisclosed Siberian location. 
Developed by the U.S. Army to "provide research necessary for defense against germ warfare" (ha ha ha), the Meta-Ebola Haemorrhagic Virus Type D is ten times deadlier and 20 times as communicable as the old Type C the Army tested at Jonestown. 
Chronowerx Industries presents the ultimate in Xenobiological Biosphere Destruction Agents. 
When 
Sixty-five million years ago, the earth was invaded by an alien race called the Xlaixu. They intended to enslave an intelligent saurian race called the X!x!, who were just developing space travel. 
From the brilliant but strange folks at Lovely Nippon Villain Kyen Kyen, the penultimate Doomsday Device.
On the far side of the sun, directly opposite the orbit of the Earth, lies the Anti-Earth; an exact duplicate of the Earth in every way, except composed entirely of anti-matter. 
In 1893, an insane British mathematician named Dr. Leslie Steambender attempted to use algebra, Kabbalah, ancient Mesopotamian texts, and Chartered Accountancy Actuarial Tables to develop a single mathematical formula that would describe all of reality -- The Ultimate Formula "X."