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Helpful Tip: Don't bluff with superweapons.
Oh, you're going to consider the idea -- every villain does. "What if I just pretend so build a superweapon, and hold the world for ransom? The stupid United Nations will never know!"
THEY'LL KNOW. NEVER BLUFF WITH SUPERWEAPONS.
If you're going to freeze London, or slice Florida off into the sea, or blow up the moon, THEN BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Nothing's worse than a supervillain who's all bark and no bite. It just makes the rest of us look bad, and gives "heroes" ideas.
-- Melanomor The Solar Man, Task Force Destruct-O
Budget home rail gun
Ready to graduate to the big leagues, but still a little short on the Krugerrands?
Evil On A Budget, Inc. presents the Rail Gun home kit.
Fire depleted uranium pellets at 3.4% of the speed of light -- will destroy airliners, small satellites, and alien saucers. Kit comes will all parts, accessories, and electromagnets; all you need is a standard Ikea hex wrench.
Price: US$9,900; depleted uranium pellets 4 for US$1.00
Quantity:
The Quantum Reduction gun -- you know it as the infamous "shrink ray"
As every schoolchild knows, in 1997 Doctor DeSpayr used a ray gun of his own devising to shrink the entire island of Manhattan down to 9 feet in length. To this day, DeSpayr refuses to reveal how the island might be restored; and Manhattan is stored in a special room in the Smithsonian until Mr. Tremendous of the Tremendous Three can devise a way to return its citizens to normal size.
Well, DeSpayr may be unwilling to divulge the secret of quantum enlargement; but he'll sell quantum reduction guns to anyone who will pay.
Our shrink ray guns are lightweight, easy to use, and worth every penny. Shrink individuals, groups, or entire cities. Comes with instruction manual and a patent leather holster. Great fun at parties.*
Price: 2,500,000.00 plus tax
Quantity: *just remember if you shrink someone, they are stuck that way. FOREVER.
Kryozap 6000 super freeze ray
A few years ago, a young supervillain named Dr. Kryo had a dream: to freeze all of Philadelphia to absolute zero.
The poor Doctor was incarcerated before he could realize his dream, but the plans for his Kryozap 6000 Super Freeze Ray have fallen into the hands of Syko-Systems Inc., and now that young dreamer's dream can become a frozen reality.
The Kryozap 6000 emits a Counter-Bernoulli Effect Ray that reduces everything it touches to absolute zero Kelvin (-459.67° Fahrenheit). Easy to aim, easy to use. Makes frozen drinks!
Price: US$12,000,000 each (save 12%)
Quantity:
The Z313 Zeppelin of Death
Stealth planes? Modern armored attack helicopters? Jets? Missiles? BAH!
There was a time when supervillainy wasn't about flashy hardware, but about sheer evil genius and its application against a timid populace; in other words, style mattered over technology. Those were the days of the evil zeppelin, and Steambender Industries LLC presents the latest in lighter-than-air malevolence: the Z313 Zeppelin of Death.
Armed with a patented Hypergauss Death Beam Cannon and air-to-air flak launchers, the Z313 features virtually flat payload/range curves for military airlift applications, i.e. very large cargo capacity is allied to low fuel consumption and very long endurance.
The length of four 747s, the Z313 can carry 1,000 tonnes of cargo, and features sumptuous onboard accommodations designed with the supervillain in mind.* It can travel four times as fast as the world's biggest cruise ship at a top speed of 110 knots; and can cross the Atlantic and back without refueling, with a 6,000 plus mile range.
The zeppelin's mylar-coated skin comes in a variety of fashion colors, and can be adorned with the logo of your cabal or evil NGO.
Price: US$50,000,000.
Quantity:
*other modern airships use cheap noncombustible helium, supposedly for safety purposes. The Z313 is filled with good old-fashioned hydrogen; this highly combustible gas can be detonated spectacularly by an obvious and accessible red self-destruct button on the bridge.
U.S. military "missile defense" laser
Sure, every villain wants a major league laser cannon for their base or lair. But who can afford the expense?
Evil On A Budget, Inc. has recently acquired a number of U.S. Military prototype ground-based "Star Wars" laser cannons (we can't say how we got them, except to note that "Dubya" doesn't always look at what he's signing).
Now, you might say, "but those Star Wars pieces of crap couldn't shoot down a slow-moving blimp with a target painted on the side!" True... but the U.S. Government can't admit that, making these the perfect blackmail weapon! You'll never even have to fire it (and you wouldn't want to try -- unless you have some eggs you'd like to poach).
Price: US$122,000,000 (90% off what Congress paid for them)
Quantity:
SOL orbital laser platform
The Neo-Tokyo Global Defense Forum, as part of their Rebuild Tokyo Again Clearance Sale, is looking for buyers for its remaining functional SOL ("Solar Orbital Laser) Platform.
The satellite fires a 50 terawatt coherent beam at Earth-based targets, with area-of-effect control so precise, you can eradicate a city block or slice someone's arm off. The laser is controlled by a unique "aim and shoot" hand-held control unit -- just fire and forget.
The SOL is guaranteed to vaporize any target,* and since the system is physically located in Earth orbit, the unit is safe from almost any attacker.**
In order to cover our rebuilding costs, we are letting this system go at a remarkable low price.
Price: ¥30,000,000,000
Quantity:
*God-like super-evolved teenage research subjects with inferiority complexes may only be partially vaporized **Except those who can fly into space, possess orbital launch capabilities, or can shoot/melt things with their minds from a distance of several hundred kilometers.
S&N solar laser weapon system
Scaramanga & No, LLC, the world's #1 choice in villainous architecture and weapons systems, presents the last word in laser cannons: the S&N Solar Laser Weapon.
Fires a 500,000,000 gigajoule beam, capable of wiping out entire cities. And the best part is -- it's solar powered! Never have to worry about batteries or atomic cells!*
Comes with corrugated safety cover. Ready to install with everything you need.**
Price: US$540,000,000
Quantity:
*requires 6 months of exposure to sunlight to fuel one blast **requires Solex Agitator, not included
The Solex Agitator
The Ultimate Energy Source, the Solex Agitator turns ordinary sunlight into power capable of leveling cities and destroying nations. As part of a solar laser weapon system, this tiny device could make you Absolute Ruler of the Earth!*
Unfortunately, there's only one in existence, so you'll have to make a bid.
May be damaged (Nick Nack dropped it).
SOLD TO ANONYMOUS BIDDER
*Not a guarantee, warranty or endorsement.
Roentgen 8000 ground-based gauss projector
Sure, you can blow out every microchip in the neighborhood with a low-altitude nuke blast. But what about shielded computers? What about directed targets?
What if you want to erase every last "enemies" file at Langley, delete the London stock exchange, and kill that fucking know-it-all Cognitron at the League of Propriety?
Then you need the Roentgen 8000 Gauss Projector. Turn it up to full, and you can melt people's brains. It's an all-purpose tool for murder and mayhem!
Price: US$1,700,000,000
Quantity:
Megalaser A
Oh, those Japanese and their wonderful toys.
Ever intent on protecting their island from marauding giant monsters, the Japanese military produces a slew of superweapons every year. World Domination LLC has acquired several of the latest devices, destined to help you fulfill your plans for global subjugation.
The Whimsical Friendly Megalaser A produces a 10,000 terajoule laser beam for up to 60 seconds per nuclear fuel rod expended. The laser is mounted on an 80' guide arm, and controlled from a eight-wheeled military transport rig. The diesel-powered rig gets 8 mpg city, 10 mpg highway.
Price: ¥50,000,000,000,000.
Quantity:
*some models may have been partially damaged by Ghidiron The Space Radish. No warranty is expressed or implied.
Morbitek Zombification Ray MK I
If Global Domination is your business, then don't pussyfoot around. Fear and intimidation can only go so far.
With the ALL NEW Morbitek Zombification Ray MK I, you can turn entire cities into your obedient zombie minions!
It works by irradiating the hippocampus of the human brain, reducing the victim to a raving zombie ready for your instructions.
General Morbidity, inventor of the MK I, has this to say: "Buy my Zombification Ray, because if you don't, I'll turn you into a zombie and make you buy one anyway! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Price: US$8,250,999,999.99
Quantity:
Polar cap de-icer
Flooding the world just got easier with the Polar Ice Cap De-Icer, new from the folks at Union Carbide of India LLC.
Just place this 200' heating tower at either of the Earth's poles, and set it on "High." In days, the Dutch will be up to their sinsemilla in seawater.
To save the Earth, just set it on "Cool" -- but don't leave it on too long, or the Earth's oceans will freeze solid! BWA HA HA HA HA!
Price: US$12,999,999,999.49 (save $0.50!)
Quantity:
Lunar mass driver
For years, Soviet scientists labored to design a Lunar Mass Driver, an electromagnetic rail device 60 miles long that would accelerate moon rock to thousands of miles per hour, making it possible to build a Socialist satellite paradise in space.
We, of course, have other plans.
Terrorize the Earth with our recently completed* Lunar Mass Driver. Accelerate hunks of moon rock up to 10,000 metric tons in size up to 3700 mph, smashing any Earth city you choose to aim at.
Also good for destroying space stations, altering the Earth's weather, and yes, building a Socialist satellite paradise in space.
Price: US$450,000,000,000
Quantity:
*Well, the main structure is complete. The girders, anyway. Some of them. And they're not bolted or welded or anything. **Length of the mass driver S=V^2/(2a). Escape velocity V=SQRT(2Mu/R)
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Oh, you're going to consider the idea -- every villain does. "What if I just pretend so build a superweapon, and hold the world for ransom? The stupid United Nations will never know!"
Ready to graduate to the big leagues, but still a little short on the Krugerrands?
As every schoolchild knows, in 1997 Doctor DeSpayr used a ray gun of his own devising to shrink the entire island of Manhattan down to 9 feet in length. To this day, DeSpayr refuses to reveal how the island might be restored; and Manhattan is stored in a special room in the Smithsonian until Mr. Tremendous of the Tremendous Three can devise a way to return its citizens to normal size.
A few years ago, a young supervillain named Dr. Kryo had a dream: to freeze all of Philadelphia to absolute zero. 
Stealth planes? Modern armored attack helicopters? Jets? Missiles? BAH!
Sure, you can blow out every microchip in the neighborhood with a low-altitude nuke blast. But what about shielded computers? What about directed targets? 
For years, Soviet scientists labored to design a Lunar Mass Driver, an electromagnetic rail device 60 miles long that would accelerate moon rock to thousands of miles per hour, making it possible to build a Socialist satellite paradise in space.